Things To Remember If You Love A Person With Divorced Parents

It is believed the highest impact of divorce on children comes 15-25 years after the divorce.

Here is a list of things to keep in mind when you love someone with divorced parents:-

1. They have no idea of what a healthy relationship looks like       

   Happy healthy marriages have a strong foundation in communication, respect, gratitude, acceptance, trust and friendship. When couples divorce, it is generally because their marriage has a weak foundation. For many children whose parents divorce, their idea of a healthy relationship is often skewed. Their vision of an ideal family is sometimes more like what a fairy tale would be since they had no foundation from which to base their expectations.

2. They want their relationship with you to be forever                     This blows up in the face as  their deepest fear but they really do want their relationship with you to work and they want it to last. This can be confused for anxiety, worry and neediness by the partner if they do not understand. Be kind, compassionate and understand that your love really wants a happy and healthy relationship with you.
3. They secretly believe their relationship with you will fail             You need to know that one of your partner’s deepest worries is that your relationship wouldn’t last. The mentality is that if their parents couldn’t make it work, then maybe yours is destined for the same fate. This may be manifested as a fight they initiate with you for no reason.
4. They might be a control freak                                                        If you’ve never been a child whose parents divorced, you may have a hard time understanding why it is so important for a person you love to have unrelenting need to control nearly every aspect of her life. Mostly it is because as a child of divorced parents, many things about his/her own life were dictated during the court rulings so as an adult he/she may go on over drive to gain control.
5. They are caretakers                                                                    Many children of divorced parents often feel like they need to become emotional caretakers for everyone around them. If you love someone with divorced parents, you may find yourself being overly taken care of. This may be a symptom of a co- dependent relationship, though your partner might not be aware.

6.They crave clarity around feelings(theirs and yours)– Let’s face it, divorce is confusing to adults and even more to children.This can lead people to suppress feelings and go about life as the even though they are wounded within. They need to know that they can count on you.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments. If you love someone with divorced parents, what tips do you have to share?